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December 15th, 2008

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12:30 pm - Tetsu talks about his life
Hmm.. seems I don't update this much anymore. And my sig on Miniclip says "blog - updated regularly", haha. Better change that. I thought about all this I considered the possibility that I'm going off writing blogs. But actually, the reason is more the fact that I have nothing TO write about. Lets run through my average day: I wake up, go to college, come home, eat, go on interwebz, eat, watch TV, go on interwebz, then bed. Nothing worth talking about there. So yeah, that is my problem, I have never have anything to talk about, which leads me onto my second thought: my life.

Its pretty uneventful. You see I'm not a hugely sociable person which means that most of my days are spent not with friends, or not out and about in situations that might give me something to write about other than "today on the forums I banned some fuckhead for calling me a smelly moderator". Internet drama is all good but its kind of nerdy if that's all you write about. And the internet is no substitute for real life. However I'm completely addicted.

Its really quite serious, I sit on-line, hour after hour, to the detriment of everything else. "Duh.. just quit going on so much" you might say, but its not that easy. If someone's addicted to smoking or drugs its a huge challenge for them to quit, especially with the latter. Well computers are the same. Now before you roll your eyes and scoff, I want you to picture yourself in your bedroom, and there's a computer on your desk. Think about how much you enjoy computers, how useful they are to you and what life would be like without them. Now imagine trying to force yourself not to use it. Its right there but you can't touch it! However you're do desperate to! What's going on on the forum? Has someone left you a comment on MySpace? Maybe your friends are on MSN? The desire builds and builds, and for me its too much to resist. Maybe you have more self-control, I don't know. But that is what its like for me.

However its likely that if I had more to do outside of the house I wouldn't have such a desire for chatting on-line. During the summer I went on a cruise for two weeks with my family. The boat had internet access but it was crazy expensive and I only used it once around the start of the second week. It was interesting to observe that I barely felt any need to use it. It was there, but I was occupied with real life activities such as visiting places or socializing with real people and I honestly didn't care about the internet. Similarly, on rare occasions I go out with friends for the whole day and never think about the internet once. Basically if its not there or I have something better to do I don't care about it. Its when I'm alone with nothing better to do that I just sit there, wasting time.

That brings me to my final thought: why am I alone so much and why don't I have anything to do? I've thought about this many times and reason that adds up best is tiredness. Yes, tiredness. The thing that kills so many road users, that makes people late for work, that results in of billions of mistakes being made every year in every aspect of life. My tiredness is caused by lack of sleep. You're supposed to get 8 hours sleep a night - I get 5. I go to bed around 2am, having wasted a quarter of the night on-line, and I wake up at 7am. I am literally SO tired in the morning that I lie there for half an hour after the alarm has gone, trying to gather the energy to haul myself out of bed, then I switch on the computer and read the forums or listen to music because it takes no mental or physical energy and is the only thing I can be bothered doing. More important tasks such as getting dressed, having breakfast or going to the bathroom would be asking too much. When I get back from college, I'm still utterly wasted from being so tired that again, all I want to do is sit on-line. I just can't be arsed doing anything else. Speaking to people, going out - no thanks! By around 10pm I'm finally starting to wake up. By 12am everyone's going to bed, but I've just woken up. I don't want to sleep now! So I sit on-line until 2am or later when I finally start to feel tired again, then I go to bed and the cycle continues.

When I'm not tired, which isn't often, I have far more get-up-and-go and its on these days that I visit friends and do constructive activities. But again, this isn't often. However, I reckon that if I wasn't so tired, then I would be motivated to go out and do things more, which would take me away from the internet. All my problems could be sorted if I only got more sleep! Actually that's what I'm gonna do. Tonight I'm getting an early night. No more 2am! I'm actually quite sick of feeling this way, and it can't be healthy. Hopefully if I get more sleep, I will be less tired and everything will fall into place from there.

Thanks for reading, by the way. Hope I didn't put you to sleep.
Current Mood: tiredtired

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